Mothership Meals and Satellite Saucers: Diet Doomsday

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Diet Doomsday

Okay so the low-carb thing is not for me.

I should have taken a picture of my dinner -- linguine alle vongole --- tonight. It looked so pretty: the (white flour) linguine, the parsley and lemon zest, the little cockle-clams, the amazing (white flour) french bread with a parsley-garlic-butter mash melted on it. Blue plate, green parsley, yellow zest, white carbs. It was so pretty and would have made a great photo for the blog, but I was too busy digging in to that great fat-salt-carb mix to stop and grab my camera.

I still think there is something really inherently bad about refined carbs -- and, like, why can I eat a seemingly endless amount of them? Why do you never get full when eating white flour coated in salty fat? Has it ever happened to anyone?

As my sister's girlfriend said once on a camping trip while they were digging into a giant vat of my sister's pesto pasta, which was supposed to last the weekend, "Is there an alarm bell that's going to go off and tell me to stop? Because I'm not getting any other cues."

Same thing when I worked in the food dept of a women's magazine, where the test kitchen used to make our lunch. This one lady made a lemony pesto pasta that I could eat an entire pound of, if I didn't have to share. The days when most of the staff was out on a photo shoot were dangerous.

Same thing when I first discovered Pasta Puttanesca. I was living in Italy, and I was in college, and there wasn't a lot of beer around, so maybe I was just compensating for the missing carbs, but by the time we left, my roommate and I could not only make a mean, fiery puttanesca, we could pack away an entire pound of it between the two of us.

Same thing tonight. But, as my eight-year son would say: "whatever". I was skinny and energetic on a no-dairy diet, and I'm sure I'd be skinny and energetic and no-white-flour diet. But, euw. Who wants to live that way? I'm not a model, I can eat bread and pasta and cheese. Yippee!

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The Mothership Method

(Or, how to sit down for dinner with your family without completely losing your mind)

It would be great if kids AND parents wanted boiled chicken and baby carrots every night for dinner. But, too bad, we picky parents want spicy, exotic, fun foods, and our kids want, well, sorta lame foods.
Here's the solution: break it down. Serve the dish deconstructed, and let everyone put their own dish together at the table. Sort of like tapas, or smorgasbord, or tacos. Or how in some parts of China you get a bowl of rice, and everything else is in the middle of the table and you take what you want for your own little bowl of rice. That way everyone gets to eat what they want, parents don't have to nag their kids, and kids get to feels some ownership over their meals. Plus, kids get exposed to the look and taste of the foods you hope they will one day love. But it's not just tacos. You'll be amazed at what can be served with the Mothership Method.

Ten Tips to Get Through Dinner Without Having A Nervous Breakdown

1. Accept That Kids Are Picky. No need to freak out on your cooking ability, or look at your kids like there is something wrong with them. It's called "neo-phobia", and it's just how they are, especially from ages 3-6.

2. Serve Meals Broken Down. Even grown-up meals like coconut curry or linguine with clams can be served in their elements, making them more appealing to kids. Grown ups can assemble their own jumble of deliciousness at their own plate while kids take on the pared-down elements.

3. Push if it Works, But Don't Nag If It Doesn't. Some kids are okay with being expected to taste everything on their plate. Others aren't. I think it's okay to push kids -- but not if you're turning dinner into a battlefield.

4. Suggest a Smell. Smelling a new food is easier than tasting it, and can sometimes provide a kid with the information needed to take that scary first bite. But don't confine smelling to new foods. Smell favorites, too, and help them develop their sense of smell by making a game out of it.

5. Don't Ask "Do You Like It?" Instead, try, "What does this remind you of?" or, "Would your cousins like this?" or, "Does this taste salty or sweet?". Asking if they like it or not gives kids too much power and ends the conversation. Besides, we don't care if they like it! We just want them to keep tasting it until it is familiar.

6. Don't Get Frustrated. Imagine being in Taiwan, or Nairobi, or Rome for the first time. Would you eat everything on the local menu? New foods are scary and gross. Our kids need time to learn about the foods that we eat.

7. No SubstitutionsThis is family dinner, not a diner. You, in all your wisdom, have provided foods that are healthy and delicious and appropriate for your children. There is something on the table for them to eat. Period.

8. No Snacks Before Dinner. This can be the hardest with our hectic schedules and hungry kids. But children who come to the table hungry are more likely to eat than cause trouble.

9. Put Peer Pressure To Your Advantage. School children are more likely to accept new foods if the alpha girls in their group accept them. Swap healthy food ideas on playdates.

10. Involve Your Kids In Cooking, Shopping, and Gardening. The more experience kids have handling and preparing a variety of foods, the more likely they are to eventually accept the foods. (But don't get upset if they help you make a complicated wonderful meal, and then refuse to eat it.)