Mothership Meals and Satellite Saucers: Eating to Grow... or Something Like That

Monday, March 31, 2008

Eating to Grow... or Something Like That

As soon as the whole picky eating thing reared up and started poking its annoying head into my life, my mom started quoting the pediatrician she took us to when we were little. "Kids don't eat to grow," she would say, every time we talked about it. "They eat to grow."

I totally did not get what she was talking about. But she said it in this blithe reassuring way that clearly meant she didn't think I should worry about my kids eating or not. I knew what she meant.

But then I came across this same line recently, this time phrased in a way that made sense. In the Gary Taubes book (yes, Good Calories, Bad Calories again, but it really does contain a wealth of information about the history of nutritional science), he talks about a scientist in the 60's who studied growth and metabolism. According to this scientist: Children eat because they are growing. They do not grow because they are eating.

Ahh, this is what my mother meant, and her pediatrician must have been quoting this guy.

This makes a lot of sense to me. It's like how breastfed babies go through growth spurts and because they are growing, they nurse like crazy. No one ever suggests that a baby is going through a growth spurt because the mom ate a lot of broccoli and the baby happened to nurse a lot because it was bored and so therefore it is going through a growth spurt.

It makes me think of a preschooler I know who is the tiniest, wispiest little thing.... just like her mom, who is barely five feet tall and probably weighs about 95 pounds. The parents are always freaking out that the little girl is not eating enough. They are convinced that she is so tiny because she is eating so little. I think it's the other way around. I think she is naturally tiny, and she is eating so little because she is so tiny. If they put an IV with thousands of calories a day, would she grow up to be 5'6" and 140 lbs?

So I looked up caloric needs of a four-year-old. Just like most nutritional advice, it was totally retarded. Four-year-olds, this one source said, need 1500 calories a day. Regardless, apparently, of the fact that they may be a wispy tiny girl who is quiet and gentle, or that they may be a sturdy, hyper, explosive little girl like my daughter, who runs, bikes, climbs, yells, screams, and barely sits still for the entire day.

Even then, I had a hard time picturing my daughter eat 1500 calories in one day. Is it possible? I'm going to compile a list.

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The Mothership Method

(Or, how to sit down for dinner with your family without completely losing your mind)

It would be great if kids AND parents wanted boiled chicken and baby carrots every night for dinner. But, too bad, we picky parents want spicy, exotic, fun foods, and our kids want, well, sorta lame foods.
Here's the solution: break it down. Serve the dish deconstructed, and let everyone put their own dish together at the table. Sort of like tapas, or smorgasbord, or tacos. Or how in some parts of China you get a bowl of rice, and everything else is in the middle of the table and you take what you want for your own little bowl of rice. That way everyone gets to eat what they want, parents don't have to nag their kids, and kids get to feels some ownership over their meals. Plus, kids get exposed to the look and taste of the foods you hope they will one day love. But it's not just tacos. You'll be amazed at what can be served with the Mothership Method.

Ten Tips to Get Through Dinner Without Having A Nervous Breakdown

1. Accept That Kids Are Picky. No need to freak out on your cooking ability, or look at your kids like there is something wrong with them. It's called "neo-phobia", and it's just how they are, especially from ages 3-6.

2. Serve Meals Broken Down. Even grown-up meals like coconut curry or linguine with clams can be served in their elements, making them more appealing to kids. Grown ups can assemble their own jumble of deliciousness at their own plate while kids take on the pared-down elements.

3. Push if it Works, But Don't Nag If It Doesn't. Some kids are okay with being expected to taste everything on their plate. Others aren't. I think it's okay to push kids -- but not if you're turning dinner into a battlefield.

4. Suggest a Smell. Smelling a new food is easier than tasting it, and can sometimes provide a kid with the information needed to take that scary first bite. But don't confine smelling to new foods. Smell favorites, too, and help them develop their sense of smell by making a game out of it.

5. Don't Ask "Do You Like It?" Instead, try, "What does this remind you of?" or, "Would your cousins like this?" or, "Does this taste salty or sweet?". Asking if they like it or not gives kids too much power and ends the conversation. Besides, we don't care if they like it! We just want them to keep tasting it until it is familiar.

6. Don't Get Frustrated. Imagine being in Taiwan, or Nairobi, or Rome for the first time. Would you eat everything on the local menu? New foods are scary and gross. Our kids need time to learn about the foods that we eat.

7. No SubstitutionsThis is family dinner, not a diner. You, in all your wisdom, have provided foods that are healthy and delicious and appropriate for your children. There is something on the table for them to eat. Period.

8. No Snacks Before Dinner. This can be the hardest with our hectic schedules and hungry kids. But children who come to the table hungry are more likely to eat than cause trouble.

9. Put Peer Pressure To Your Advantage. School children are more likely to accept new foods if the alpha girls in their group accept them. Swap healthy food ideas on playdates.

10. Involve Your Kids In Cooking, Shopping, and Gardening. The more experience kids have handling and preparing a variety of foods, the more likely they are to eventually accept the foods. (But don't get upset if they help you make a complicated wonderful meal, and then refuse to eat it.)