Mothership Meals and Satellite Saucers: Like Parent Like Child

Friday, March 20, 2009

Like Parent Like Child

We had raw oysters last night, at my 9-year-old son's urging. Yeah, the picky one. My picky kid. My kid who has driven me crazy at the dinner for the last ten years, who basically inspired my interest in the whole concept of picky eating, and also inspired this blog. The kid who wouldn't eat cake or pizza or drink juice until he was 3 or 4. Who hated baby food. Who ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch for about three years straight, then switched to turkey sandwiches and has had that for about the last three years. Who didn't like rice, beans, eggs, anything green (except massive quantities of broccoli about twice a year), or anything new or anything unusual. That kid begged for us to stop at the fish store so we could get oysters. (The other kid, 5, cheered because then we could have fish for dinner!)

There is hope for us all.

He has suggested that, just as we have our "Meatless" Sundays, that we also have Clam Fridays. We should have clams every Friday, and sometimes oysters, he says.

Where does this come from? I wondered this as I watched him methodically squirt some lemon juice on a wobbly silvery-gray mass of living sea flesh -- and just as quickly remembered how obvious it is. Uh, from his parents and relatives? Whether it is genetic or environmental, my son was born into a family that is greedy and self-indulgent when it comes to seafood. Since he was a baby he has seen family holidays celebrated with shellfish. It turns out modeling does work; children really do absorb their family's food culture. It just takes ten years.

I'm so pleased.

We're not done, but we're on our way.

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The Mothership Method

(Or, how to sit down for dinner with your family without completely losing your mind)

It would be great if kids AND parents wanted boiled chicken and baby carrots every night for dinner. But, too bad, we picky parents want spicy, exotic, fun foods, and our kids want, well, sorta lame foods.
Here's the solution: break it down. Serve the dish deconstructed, and let everyone put their own dish together at the table. Sort of like tapas, or smorgasbord, or tacos. Or how in some parts of China you get a bowl of rice, and everything else is in the middle of the table and you take what you want for your own little bowl of rice. That way everyone gets to eat what they want, parents don't have to nag their kids, and kids get to feels some ownership over their meals. Plus, kids get exposed to the look and taste of the foods you hope they will one day love. But it's not just tacos. You'll be amazed at what can be served with the Mothership Method.

Ten Tips to Get Through Dinner Without Having A Nervous Breakdown

1. Accept That Kids Are Picky. No need to freak out on your cooking ability, or look at your kids like there is something wrong with them. It's called "neo-phobia", and it's just how they are, especially from ages 3-6.

2. Serve Meals Broken Down. Even grown-up meals like coconut curry or linguine with clams can be served in their elements, making them more appealing to kids. Grown ups can assemble their own jumble of deliciousness at their own plate while kids take on the pared-down elements.

3. Push if it Works, But Don't Nag If It Doesn't. Some kids are okay with being expected to taste everything on their plate. Others aren't. I think it's okay to push kids -- but not if you're turning dinner into a battlefield.

4. Suggest a Smell. Smelling a new food is easier than tasting it, and can sometimes provide a kid with the information needed to take that scary first bite. But don't confine smelling to new foods. Smell favorites, too, and help them develop their sense of smell by making a game out of it.

5. Don't Ask "Do You Like It?" Instead, try, "What does this remind you of?" or, "Would your cousins like this?" or, "Does this taste salty or sweet?". Asking if they like it or not gives kids too much power and ends the conversation. Besides, we don't care if they like it! We just want them to keep tasting it until it is familiar.

6. Don't Get Frustrated. Imagine being in Taiwan, or Nairobi, or Rome for the first time. Would you eat everything on the local menu? New foods are scary and gross. Our kids need time to learn about the foods that we eat.

7. No SubstitutionsThis is family dinner, not a diner. You, in all your wisdom, have provided foods that are healthy and delicious and appropriate for your children. There is something on the table for them to eat. Period.

8. No Snacks Before Dinner. This can be the hardest with our hectic schedules and hungry kids. But children who come to the table hungry are more likely to eat than cause trouble.

9. Put Peer Pressure To Your Advantage. School children are more likely to accept new foods if the alpha girls in their group accept them. Swap healthy food ideas on playdates.

10. Involve Your Kids In Cooking, Shopping, and Gardening. The more experience kids have handling and preparing a variety of foods, the more likely they are to eventually accept the foods. (But don't get upset if they help you make a complicated wonderful meal, and then refuse to eat it.)