Mothership Meals and Satellite Saucers: Prickly Pears

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Prickly Pears

My son likes pears.

This might not seem like such a big deal. Because, what's not to like? You love apples, right? So what's the problem with a freakin pear? But for the last 8 years of solid food, pears were this exotic challenge for him, like the oyster of the fruit world. They might be sweet and some variety of green or red and grow on a tree like that mainstay of your fruit intake for eight years, the apple. But they're just... different.

I have read in Temple Grandin's books (she is the autistic animal expert who changed slaughterhouses so reduce fear in the animals) how animals don't generalize. They are all about the details. For example, a horse that is afraid of a man in a black cowboy hat may not be able to generalize enough to consequently be afraid of a man in a baseball cap, or even a man in a white cowboy hat. And dogs might obey a command given in a specific place or manner, but not be able to generalize the behavior to perform in another situation. Animals are totally focused on details.

I think kids are doing the same thing with food. They are totally fixated on the details, and they can't always generalize. So, the kid who likes chicken when it's breaded and fried may not like chicken when it's stir-fried. This causes great distress to parents ("But you love chicken!") Or a kid who likes hamburgers may not automatically like meatballs at first exposure (cf: my children). And kids with extreme food issues will sometimes like Wendy's french fries, but not McDonald's french fries. Every new food is a new experience, even if we adults know that it falls into an already accepted category of foods. And therein lies the irritation. What seems like a complete lack of logic to us is actually a hyper logic to the kids.

So my son, who has eaten apples with no problem for his entire life, and who has spent most of his life being an extremely picky eater, has never been interested in pears. They were different, duh! Pear-shaped! Softer-textured! More aromatic.

Until a few months ago when, magically, he was willing to try on one day, and then liked it. And wanted more. There's been a lot of magic lately happening with him. This is the kid who, as a toddler wouldn't eat cake or drink juice.

Last night after an early dinner in the park, both kids were hungry before bedtime. "Well, I have pears and cherry tomatoes," I said (truthfully -our food stores are low at the moment).

"Pears? I want a pear! I love pears"

Next up: oysters.

(Just kidding.)

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The Mothership Method

(Or, how to sit down for dinner with your family without completely losing your mind)

It would be great if kids AND parents wanted boiled chicken and baby carrots every night for dinner. But, too bad, we picky parents want spicy, exotic, fun foods, and our kids want, well, sorta lame foods.
Here's the solution: break it down. Serve the dish deconstructed, and let everyone put their own dish together at the table. Sort of like tapas, or smorgasbord, or tacos. Or how in some parts of China you get a bowl of rice, and everything else is in the middle of the table and you take what you want for your own little bowl of rice. That way everyone gets to eat what they want, parents don't have to nag their kids, and kids get to feels some ownership over their meals. Plus, kids get exposed to the look and taste of the foods you hope they will one day love. But it's not just tacos. You'll be amazed at what can be served with the Mothership Method.

Ten Tips to Get Through Dinner Without Having A Nervous Breakdown

1. Accept That Kids Are Picky. No need to freak out on your cooking ability, or look at your kids like there is something wrong with them. It's called "neo-phobia", and it's just how they are, especially from ages 3-6.

2. Serve Meals Broken Down. Even grown-up meals like coconut curry or linguine with clams can be served in their elements, making them more appealing to kids. Grown ups can assemble their own jumble of deliciousness at their own plate while kids take on the pared-down elements.

3. Push if it Works, But Don't Nag If It Doesn't. Some kids are okay with being expected to taste everything on their plate. Others aren't. I think it's okay to push kids -- but not if you're turning dinner into a battlefield.

4. Suggest a Smell. Smelling a new food is easier than tasting it, and can sometimes provide a kid with the information needed to take that scary first bite. But don't confine smelling to new foods. Smell favorites, too, and help them develop their sense of smell by making a game out of it.

5. Don't Ask "Do You Like It?" Instead, try, "What does this remind you of?" or, "Would your cousins like this?" or, "Does this taste salty or sweet?". Asking if they like it or not gives kids too much power and ends the conversation. Besides, we don't care if they like it! We just want them to keep tasting it until it is familiar.

6. Don't Get Frustrated. Imagine being in Taiwan, or Nairobi, or Rome for the first time. Would you eat everything on the local menu? New foods are scary and gross. Our kids need time to learn about the foods that we eat.

7. No SubstitutionsThis is family dinner, not a diner. You, in all your wisdom, have provided foods that are healthy and delicious and appropriate for your children. There is something on the table for them to eat. Period.

8. No Snacks Before Dinner. This can be the hardest with our hectic schedules and hungry kids. But children who come to the table hungry are more likely to eat than cause trouble.

9. Put Peer Pressure To Your Advantage. School children are more likely to accept new foods if the alpha girls in their group accept them. Swap healthy food ideas on playdates.

10. Involve Your Kids In Cooking, Shopping, and Gardening. The more experience kids have handling and preparing a variety of foods, the more likely they are to eventually accept the foods. (But don't get upset if they help you make a complicated wonderful meal, and then refuse to eat it.)